Ballad Of Bodacious Lyrics By Primus

Bodacious am a whole lotta' bull
over nineteen hundred pounds.
He's born in Galry, Oklahoma
and he's the baddest sonsabitch around
if a Burma bull ever were a super star
then Bodacious just might be.
He's a cream colored, beefy brawn,
full-fledged, four footed bovine celebrity.

Who's gonna ride Bodacious?
Who's gonna tame him down?
Look out for Bodacious,
he's bound to hold his ground.
Here comes Bodacious,
ya'll just step aside.
Big and bad Bodacious
takes a toll from those who ride.

Young Bo met a man named Tuff Hedeman
at the start of his buckin' spree
and Tuff became one of the few to make the whistle
bkac in Nineteen Ninety Three.

Tuff tried to ride Bo again at the finals
in Nineteen Ninety Five.
Bodacious had got a little older and wiser
Tuff barely came out alive.

The Return Of Satington Willoughby Lyrics By Primus

Fellow colleagues, distinguished members of the press, ladies and gentlemen
I would like to take this opportunity to personally and humbly thank each and every one of you
For joining us at this particular event
It is my hope that we can utilize this meeting of the minds
To successfully convey the essence of our platform to you, a grand and noble audience

As I look out among the faces, I reflect
Taking console in the words of Franklin Delano Roosevelt who said,
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself"

Paranoia is a disease unto itself, and may I add, the person standing next to you
May not be who they appear to be, so take precaution

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, this is true
Many a young person has fallen prey to the substances that alter the perspective
Of any right thinking individual
The problem with the youth today is, because of their inexperience with the world,
They cannot attempt to grasp the ideals set forth by myself and those who preceded me
But, as history has show, they will come around and embrace our philosophies
And become model citizens in their own right, God Bless this great nation

Professor Nutbutter's House Of Treats Lyrics By Primus

C'mon kiddies gather round. Who's your foremost friend in town?
From main to maple the name resounds, Professor Nutbutter.
He's the one, the humble one, the Barkley County prodigal son.
Here to serve only you, Professor Nutbutter.
At old Nutbutter's house of treats from jellied jams to sacks of sweets,
There's creamy and nutatious spreads for all.
Chemist, master of entomology the professor for a modest fee
Will cure what ails you, garunteed Professor Nutbutter.
It's alright, don't fear the worm.
C'mon kiddies don't be shy be youthful til the day you die.
The man the myth, the magic of Professor Nutbutter.
He's the one the only one the Meeklybville prodigal son.
Here to help us with ourselves, Professor Nutbutter
It's alright to fear the worm.

Amos Moses Lyrics By Primus

Amos Moses was a Cajun.
And lived by himself in the swamp
Hunting alligator for a living.
Knock 'em on the head with a stump
The Louisiana law's gonna get you, Amos
It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp, boy

Now everybody blamed his old man
for raising him mean as a snake
When Amos Moses was a boy,
his Daddy would use him as alligator bait
Tie a rope around his waist,
throw him in the swamp
Alligator bait on the Louisiana bayou

Just about 45 minutes
southeast of Tipidow, Louisiana
There lived a man called Duck Bill Sam
and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son that could
eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth.
They called him Amos Moses

Now folks in South Louisiana
said Amos was a helluva man
He could trap the biggest, meanest alligator.
He only had to use one hand
That's all he got left
'cause the alligator bit him. Ha ha!
Left arm gone clean up to the elbow

Just about 45 minutes
southeast of Tipidow, Louisiana
There lived a man called Duck Bill Sam
and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son that could
eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth.
They called him Amos Moses

Here comes Amos
And you should have seen his pretty wife, Hannah

Well, the Sheriff got wind that
Amos was in the swamp hunting alligator skin
So he hid in the swamp, "I'm gonna get you boy."
He never did come out again.

Well, I wonder where the Louisiana Sheriff went to?
Sure can get lost in the Louisiana bayou (3X)

Shake Hands With Beef Lyrics By Primus

There's a time for lies
And a time for truth
I say, eye for an eye
Eye for a tooth

When I roamed young
I'd scavenge around
Every nook and cranny
Of our little town

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

She's so fine
She's so sweet
Mom and Pop they raised her
On huge slabs of meat

She's fine

A man of nine
Water derby day
Twenty six pumps
On a Crossman
And it's time to play

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

Groundhog's Day Lyrics By Primus

When I woke up this mornin' I felt a pang.
I was hungerin' for some apple pie.
Stumble in the bathroom, hung my hog a little bit.
Washed the sleep out of my eye.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be a fine day.
Scratched myself a bit.
Poured me out a bowl-a corn chex.
Closest thing I could find to apple pie.
Lingerin' taste of toothpaste
Made the milk go down a bit funny.
But you know, them chex they do satisfy.
Oh yeah, this'll be a fine day.
So, after my mornin' rise-n-shine and eat-n-clean.
Had my mind set to hit them streets.
Drizzle from the night left cold puddles out.
Had my black stomp-boots on my feet.
It's my day.

Since I was in kneepants my pop had tried to make me realize.
If I set my mind down to it I could be a big man in the public eye.
So with my big blue collar on, I set out to find the easy way.
What an ice cold bath it was when I found you had to pay to play.
To taste the taste it's a tease that never would subside.
The taste is strong but soured by my learned eyes.
Well, if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he'd get down on his knees to pray.
This little snappy boy might see the light this ground hog's day.

The Ol' Diamond Back Sturgeon (fisherman's Chronicles, Part 3) Lyrics By Primus

The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
Rooting and sniffing and urging to spawn
In the mud flats of San Pablo Bay

A scent came around so he followed his snout
He found what was to his surprise
A golden morsel, a tidbit, a tight bunch of grass shrimp
Was there right before this buck's eyes

He circle round twice and he took a big whiff
Then sucked up this savory meal
Then came a jolt and to the diamondback's surprise
Through his lips cut the cold, barbed steel

In a panic the old diamondback sped to the north
He sped to the east, west and south
But the harder he swam, he still could not break free
From the "tugging" that pulled at his mouth

The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day

The Antipop Lyrics By Primus

The Earth it did crack open
on the day that I was born
and a thousand merry pranksters
came dancin' through the storm.

I lay cradle bound
a howlin' out my mind
not knowin' years to come
I'd be shoutin' over din

I sucked information through the holes in my skull
as my belly gurgles hungry my mouth is always full.

I am Antipop; I'll run against the grain till the day I drop.
I am the Antipop; the man you cannot stop.

As a young man,
I plug into the tube,
but the stench of all that pretense
I cannot muddle through.

I lay on my back
and scan the radio
all that comes out my speakers
is a steady syrup flow.

I suck information through the holes in my skull
as my belly gurgles hungry my mouth is always full.

I stood by watching
and I seen 'em come and go.
I seen 'em make that million
then vanish in the snow.

They come upon you
like a pack of rabid hounds
as they slobber in your ears
and purge you with their sounds.

Pushing misinformation through the holes in my skull
my belly gurgles nauseous and still my mouth is full.

I am Antipop; I'll run against the grain till the day I drop.
I am the Antipop; the man you cannot stop.

Tommy The Cat Lyrics By Primus

"I remember as if it were a meal ago"

Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.

"She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.

They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.

The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into the heart of the alley.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.

Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...

"Say baby do you wanna lay down by me"

Dmv Lyrics By Primus

I've been to hell. I spell it...I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
Stood there and I've waited and choked back the urge to scream
And if I had my druthers I'd screw a chimpanzee-call it pointless

When I need relief I spell it THC
Perhpas you may know vaguely what I mean
I sit back and smoke away huge chunks of memory
As I slowly inflict upon myself a full lobotomy-call it pointless

Barbecues, tea kettles, gobs of axle grease
There comes a time for every man to sail the seas of cheese
Now, life's a bowl of bagel dogs, but there are unpleasantries
Cold toilet seats, dentist chairs and trips to DMV-call it pointless

I've been to hell. I spell it...I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
I've stood in line and waited near an hour and fifteen
And if I had my druthers I'd screw that chimpanzee-call it pointless

De Anza Jig Lyrics By Primus

Oh I can still remember
Jenny Hernando
She was my little lovely one
When I was seventeen.
I remember the day that she
Gave me her viriginity
And then she gave it to everyone
In our vicinity.

Oh I can still remember
Julie Tolentino
The dancing Filipino
We used to run around.
Her and Flouncin' Freddy
Were going hot and steady.
Now she runs a dyke bar,
The biggest one in town.

I can still remember my
Old friend Todd Squelati
I watching him snort a
Milkshake right up his nose.
He slurped it up the left side.
Blew it out the right side.
How he ever kept it down,
I will never know.

Of course I still remember
Ol Flouncin' Freddy
We were pumping gas
Down at El Sobrante Shell
His Mustang was his pride n' joy
He liked to dance the cowboy,
Hanging out at Jack In the Box
But eat at Taco Bell.

Mama Didn't Raise No Fool Lyrics By Primus

The best of times, the worst of times,
the times you can't ignore.
Sometimes you bite the bullet
and flip flop on the floor.

They tell you where to go,
and they tell you what to do.
They set your face on fire
then stomp it out with their shoes.

I ain't no fool.
Mama didn't raise no fool.

The times I can't complain
are the times I do the most.
On a diet of black coffee
and prozac buttered toast.

These eunuchs in their prada
and Gucci flavored clothes.
Wouldn't know a fresh perspective
if it bit 'em up on the nose.

I ain't no fool.
Mama didn't raise no fool.

Don't do as they say,
just say as they do.
No flavor's quite so bitter
as the taste of one's own shoe.

I ain't no fool.
Mama didn't raise no fool.

Duchess And The Proverbial Mind Spread Lyrics By Primus

Burnin', I feel a burnin' in my stomach
I wanna know if I'm a gonna make it
If I don't just spread my ashes
If I do just spread you mind

Swimmin', I see myself a treadin' water
I see no signs of any other people
There's a heron up above me
I lay back and spread my mind

Duchess, she used to be a movie maker
She used to like to watch the boys watch her
And she saved enough money
To go to Cal and spread her mind

Billy used to follow the Dead with Arnie
And they made a hundred thousand dollars
But ended up in federal prison
Twenty years for spreading minds

Making Plans For Nigel Lyrics By Primus

[Originally by XTC]

We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel
He has his future in a British steel
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel's whole future is as good as sealed
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work
Nigel is not outspoken
But he likes to speak
And loves to be spoken to
Nigel is happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel

Coattails Of A Dead Man Lyrics By Primus

He wasn't lookin' for fanfare or fame
but it all came around just the same.
He then met a girl with desire in her eye,
he gave her love, she took his name.

The times they were good, the times they were bad,
most times it was just in between.
The hard pill he swallowed was the times that they had,
she put on display for all to be seen.

Some find their solace in work or the lord,
she was quite content in her dream.
When his eyes they burned from the bright lime light,
he found comfort in the bottle of Ol' Jimmy Beam.

One day from the depths of his deep darkened hole,
he reached out for something to feel.
She offered back nothin' but lack of respect
so he left himself out with two barrels of steel.

She cried in the day, she cried in the night.
She cried loudest when someone was near.
Whether crying for him or she cried for herself,
the bigger the camera, the bigger the tear.

Most folks agree that she was living a hell
and publicly she showed her pain.
And never once was there a thought for herself,
and the ever-growing slices of fortune and fame.

Now on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride
on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride.
On the coattails of a dead man she'll ride she'll ride,
on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride she'll ride high.

Arnie Lyrics By Primus

The man he stepped up to the microphone and he gave it a kiss, it was a big wet, slippery kiss
And he had sweat dripping off of his nose onto the windscreen
As he looked out over the audience he said, "God bless you, God bless you one and all"
The he took a can of Ronson lighter fluid and he squirted it over the top of his head
And proceeded to light himself on fire
As he stood there glowing and said, "Remember this day"

Eleven Lyrics By Primus

I just can't seem to blend
Into society
I have no hope for this dim
Simplicity of law and order
By whose rules I see no rhyme in
the reason
I hold no hope for this holy treason
Of love and so soft
By whose standards
They tell me, they tell me
Who are they, who is they

Electric Uncle Sam Lyrics By Primus

I am the plan, I am the man
who tells you what and when you can.
I'm the old one that torments you.
I am the voice that tells you to:

"Don't get caught with your fingers in my pie.
Mess with me and boy you're surely gonna' die.
If ever you're in doubt about who or where I am.
I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere.
I am your Uncle Sam."

Electric Uncle Sam

You beg me please on bended knees
not to sit among these enemies.
If you feel like you wanna dance
then step aside and take a chance.

"Don't get caught with your fingers in my pie.
Mess with me and boy you're surely gonna' die.
If ever you're in doubt about who or where I am.
I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere.
I am your Uncle Sam."

Electric Uncle Sam

Harold Of The Rocks Lyrics By Primus

It was a weekend's eve,
I had sex on my breath
I was lookin' for somethin' to see.
With a borrowed black
leather and my best fishin' hat.
Well it was just Wendy O. and me.
We called old Swamp
Up on the telephone
And said we was comin' on
Down to pick him up
and then, he said,
"Hey Snappy, me and Greeny'll come along -
But only if we can bring a friend."
"His name is Harold."
I said "Okay."
Now, we had a
Swamper, Greeny, Wendy O, Stanley, Harold of the Rocks and me.
We hopped into my dart
And headed for the nightbreak
To see a man they call Schooly D.
Harold he's a friendly guy.
He rambles on and on.
He'll talk the balls off
a rhinosaurus.
fact is he jsut doesn't
make much sense.
Well Stan said
"This guy's pretty bizarre Gus."
Harold of the Rocks.

I saw Harold at a
party Trouzy threw
Late one night.
I said, "hey man,
Do you remember me?"
He said, "O' course
I do Snapdad and
Let me tell ya right
'Bout now I'm lit
Up like an ol' Christmas tree."
Hey bro you know I'd
like to thank you once
Again for let'n me
Hang with ya' all across
The bay. when I
Look back at that
night I get me a
Warm spot across my heart."
Then he shook my
hand, and walked away.
That's teh last I
Seen of Harold.
Harold of the Rocks.
So in the end,
Swamper and Greeny
Finally succumb to
The ways of Harold.
And in doing so
Each gave just a little bit
Of his soul away.
What a couple of dumbshits.

Del Davis Tree Farm Lyrics By Primus

Del Davis sold a Christmas tree
Stood up to 8 feet tall
Season was lookin' mighty thin
He'd hoped to sell 'em all
Here he comes with a dollar in his hand
Represents the epitomized man

The boy liked rock 'n' roll
Seemed that's the way he paid his way
With the help of Del and them "Doogs"
There's a bit more joy this holiday
Here he comes...

The Thing That Should Not Be Lyrics By Primus

Messenger of Fear in sight
Dark deception kills the light

Hybrid children watch the sea
Pray for Father, roaming free

fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
great Old One
forbidden site
He searches
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell

Crawling Chaos, underground
cult has summoned, twisted sound

Out from ruins once possessed
fallen city, living death

fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
timeless sleep
has been upset
He awakens
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell
Not dead which eternal lie
stranger eons Death may die

drain you of your sanity
face The Thing That Should Not Be

fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
timeless sleep
has been upset
He awakens
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell

Seas Of Cheese Lyrics By Primus

When the going gets tough
And the stomachg acids flow
The cold wind of conformity
Is nipping at your nose
When some trendy new atrocity
Has brought you to your knees
Come with us we'll sail the
Seas of Cheese

Puddin' Taine Lyrics By Primus

Pass the pen there Billy Bob, I'll write us up a song
Or perhaps I'll pen a sonnet, if the melody sits all wrong

Hand me down a crayon, and I'll draw a mighty oak
'Cause of all my brother Masons, I'm the quickest with a joke

Catch me in the right light, you'll see my shapes shaped to please
And if I shank my trousers down, I'm hung just above the knees

You may have difficulty catchin' breath, when you hear my weighty name
I'm the one that told you, told you so, they calls me Puddin' Taine

Now step on up to dance the dance, and touch the hand that heals
Like the tallest hog on Wall Street, I'm a wheelin' all the deals

They'll carve my face in marble, they'll etch my name in stone
They'll paint my noble portrait, and historify my home

You may have difficulty catchin' breath, when you hear my weight name
I'm the one that told you, told you so, they calls me Puddin' Taine

Greet The Sacred Cow Lyrics By Primus

Slice me up a big slab of that sympathetic cheer.
If I'm zapped with radiation they say I'll last another year.

Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.

My hands are full of protein, my arms are made of fire.
If you're calling me a diplomat, I'll be calling you a liar.

Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.
Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.

Camelback Cinema Lyrics By Primus

He's standin' tall at 5 foot 4
With the sharpness of a troubadour
I dare you look him in the eye
His stench would make a buzzard cry
He likes Burt in White Lightning

Camelback Cinema

In the dark she sat and wait
For her steady random date
Reflecting back to a time
When eager boys would stand in line
She likes Burt in White Lightning

He's standin' tall at 5 foot 4
Lurking in the corridor
He came to buy his weekly whore
At Camelback Cinema

Golden Boy Lyrics By Primus

He was a might golden boy, as gold as ever seen
But when he stepped up to the podium, you could tell that boy was mean

His arms was made of nickel, and his forehead made of wood
An affidavit from the principal says, "This boy just ain't no good"

He stood before the union, and he made a solemn oath
Uphold the purity of his creed, the others he would toast
He worked nights at the liquor mart, and he drank to pad his pay
When caught him liftin' 40's, he shot a boy last May

His Momma asked why?

His lawyer in the courtroom, made a noble plea
And the judge he gave him eighteen months, but he was out in three
When asked if he ever felt remorse while sittin' up in that pen
He said "Hell no, ya know a thief's a thief
And I'd shoot the that fucker again"

The Toys Go Winding Down Lyrics By Primus

An overaged boy of thirty-nine has left the wing today.
The first time in his life he's made that step.
Be numbed by the society and plagued by insecurity.
He's entered in a race that must be won.
One of the animals has left its cage today
IN search of better things so it seems to be.
But in this land of polyurethane,
Things are apt to get a bit hot.
As the toys go winding down.
C.G. the Mexican is a friend of mine.
We used to sit around the house watching evil dead.
Talking about the way it used to be...
We used to pull the strippers out of Sand Pablo bay.
Now the delta waters go down So. Cal.
And the strippers start to fade away.
It's pudding time!
It's pudding time!
As the toys go winding down.

Too Many Puppies Lyrics By Primus

Too many puppies are being shot in the dark.
Too many puppies are trained not to bark.
At the sight of blood that must be spille dso that
We may maintain our oil fields.
Too many puppies
Too many puppies are taught to heal.
Too many puppies are trained to kill.
On the command of men wearing money belts that buy
mistresses sleek animal pelts.
Too many puppies.

Too many puppies with guns in their hands.
Too many puppies in foreign lands.
Are dressed up sharp in suits of green and
Placed upon the war machine.
Too many puppies are just like me.
Too many puppies are afraid to see.
The visions of the past brought to life again,
Too many puppies, too many dead men.

Sinister Exaggerator Lyrics By Primus

[Originally by The Residents and Snakefinger]

Your life is leaning downhill
Sloping off the outer edge
Your undetermined oyster beds
Were found to be a hedge
You cause the kids of Elmer Fudd
To feed the farmer whose
Cadaver's filled with onion rings
And feet are filled with glue

Now sinister exaggerator
What's your claim to fame?
Is still your favorite Ferlingetti
Found in Auntie Maim?
Your alter life is superceded
Only from above
Your hear is like a silken sponge
That calls saliva love

Bob's Party Time Lounge Lyrics By Primus

Glad you came, glad you're here
Have some champagne, imported beer

Dig down in your dirt bag
And roll us out a spleef
Been erect here now for thirteen days
And I came to get relief

At Bob's Party Time

Peck my nose with cocaine
Feed my filthy hole
Bust out the dancin' women
I'm prone to lose control
And if by chance I fall down
And bust my head on the floor
Just wrap my wound in a porterhouse steak
And point me towards the shore

At Bob's Party Time

The Final Voyage Of The Liquid Sky Lyrics By Primus

I been fightin' gravity since I was two.

Questers of the prize
blind men int he snow.
Some streak the skies
I choose to go below.

Skin moves towards malignant
worshipping the sun.
They clamber over corpses
to be the chosen ones.

Drift along liquid sky.

Descending through the darkness
to the vast terrain.
Down here on the bottom
you rarely hear the rain.

Drift along liquid sky.

The Chastising Of Renegade Lyrics By Primus

There was this kid in our neighborhood
His Pop had named him Renegade
He lived up to his name
With all the trouble that he made

One day ol' Renegade
Snuck into the Park Theater downtown
For a laugh he set fire to the screen
Burnt the whole damn place to the ground

He thought that no one would mind
He did that sort of thing all the time
But his Pop was waitin' for him

At age fifteen Renegade
Stole a tow truck from Arnie's Shell
Drove it through the front of a hardware store
Spent the night in a county jail

He didn't seem to mind a bit
He liked the attention he would get

Coddingtown Lyrics By Primus

I went down to Coddingtown
To buy for Lucky Dog
Moved on up to Sono-co
To clear my head of smog
People 'round town they all line up
To buy them Chevrolets
But me I talked to the Mopar man
Been talkin' now for days

I went down to Coddingtown
It seemed the thing to do
You can get it all down there
From tennis balls to glue
Standin' up in the ol' smoke shop
Met a girl named Honey Pie
If you shamble long enough
You wanna go, you gotta go

Bring me on back

Lordy, Lordy, Coddigntown
That's the place to be
Lordy, Lordy, Coddingtown
That's the place for me

I went down to Coddingtown
And met old Santy Claus
Beanie Boy got a hold of that beard
Nearly yanked it from his jaws
I stepped on up to the pizza man
And gobbled down some filth
I shambled 'round now too damn long
I wanna go, I gotta go

Bring me on back

Lordy, Lordy, Coddingtown
That's the place to be
Lordy, Lordy, Coddingtown
That's the place for me

Year Of The Parrot Lyrics By Primus

In the year of our Lord
Call it 1994
A fine vintage of mimicry

There are those that take their sound
From someone else's Toil
Liking to parrots you see

I've seen the likes of Kate Bush
And Van Morrison
Teaching the parrots to sing

Take a Zepplin riff
And you alter it a bit
And make lots of money
It's called plagiarism

You want some of that cheese
Just take a big ol' bite
Careful not to choke on it please

Now here we go
It's called plagiarism

Power Mad Lyrics By Primus

Military show is Blastin' off to Kosovo.
Military show with lightning speed.
Sensitivity? Oh, just a rusty nail in the corporate show.
How many stabs before we bleed?

Those Pinocchios chattering out in stereo,
boy Pinnocchio and his golden deed.
Masculinity? Oh, galvanized in the world wide show
as we fertilise the seed.

Power mad, I didn't chop the tree down dad
I only try to do what's right.
Power man, the best friend that you ever had
unless of course you choose to fight.

Power mad, driving out of the shadows,
he never tires when he plays.
Power mad, he's a streak in the night time
speculating how he'll take on the world some day.

Originality? Oh, just a rusty nail in a Broadway show
how many stabs before we succeed.

Power mad, I didn't drop my pants down dad,
I know my left hand from my right.
Power man, the best friend that you ever had
unless of course you lose the fight.

To Defy The Laws Of Tradition Lyrics By Primus

What if Christmas didn't come this year
and no one paid for Christmas cheer?
Who would cry the biggest tear,
the child or the store?
Why do brides wear virgin white?
Most do not deserve that right.
But to choose a color of their delight
would surely bring on the frowns.
To defy the laws of tradition
is a crusade only of the brave.
Suppose the taxman, he comes to town,
and you don't lay your money down.
Yet Mr. Jones he killed Mr. Brown the other day.
Well I wonder, who's gonna go to hell.

Bob Lyrics By Primus

I had a friend that took a blet, took a blet and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived
His woman and his little bro came home from the grocery store
Only to find him dangling in the apartment where he lived

I had a friend who shaved his head
Put his Doctor Martins on
And drew such wondrous pictures in the apartment where he lived
He praised my creativity, though he spoke sarcastically
Oh, the conversations in the apartment where he lived

I had a friend that took a blet, took a belt and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived
Rock, she thought him spiteful; Ler, he thought him pitiful
Me, I've never been back to the apartment where he lived

My Name Is Mud Lyrics By Primus

My name is Mud
Not to be confused with Bill or Jack or Pete or Dennis
My name is mud and it's always been
'Cause I'm the most boring sons-a-bitch you've ever seen
I dress in blue-yes navy blue
From head to toe I'm rather drab except my patent shoes
I make 'em shine, well most the time
'Cept today my feet are troddin' on by this friend of mine
Six foort two and rude as hell
I got to get him in the ground before he starts to smell
My name is Mud

My name is Mud, but call me Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie
That's long for Mud so I've been told
Told that by this sonsabitch that lies before me bloated blue and cold
I've got my pride, I drink my wine
I'd drink the finest except I haven't earned a dime in several months
Or were it years
The breath on that fat bastard could bring any man to tears
We had our words, a common spat
So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat
My name is Mud

Natural Joe Lyrics By Primus

There's a boy out 'luma way named Joe Eugene.
He's one mellow ass son of a bitch-a.

He loves his wheat grass and cold bean curd.
He's one healthy ass sone of a bitch-a.

But late at night he sneaks on down to the liquor store
for a bottle of sheep dip.

Natural Joe,
got an easy flow.
Whereever he goes
they say "here comes Joe."

Joe, he's a happy Man and he won't do you wrong.
He's one respectable son of a bitch-a.

Now Joe ain't no patriarch,
but he's smooth with the girls.
He ain't no cahuvinistic sone of a bitch-a.

But late at night he sneaks on down to the porno store
for a little bit of ...

Nature Joe,
he's hanging low.
Whereever he goes
they say "here comes Joe."

There's a boy out 'luma way named Joe Eugene.
He's one mellow ass son of a bitch-a.

He don't like firearms; he don't own knives.
He's one pacifistic sone of a bitch-a.

But late at night he eases on down to the video store
for a little bit of ...

Natural Joe,
got an easy flow.
Whereever he goes
they say "here comes Joe."

Natural Joe,
looking slow and low.
Look there he goes.
Go Natural Joe.

Grandad's Little Ditty Lyrics By Primus

As I stand in the Shower
Singing Opera and such
Pondering the possibility that I
Pull the pud too much
There's a scent that fills the air
Is it flatus? Just a touch.
And it makes me think of you.

Jerry Was A Race Car Driver Lyrics By Primus

Jerry was a race car driver
And he drove so goddamned fast
He never did win no checkered flag
But he never did come in last
Jerry was a race car driver
He'd say "El solo number one"
With a bocephus sticker
On his 442 he'd light 'em up
Just for fun

Captain Pierce was a fireman
Richmond engine #3
I'll be a wealthy man when I get
A dime for all the things that
Man taught to me
Captain Pierce was a strong man
Strong as any man alive
It stuck in his craw that they
Made him retire at the age of 65

Jerry was a race car driver
22 years old
Had too many cold beers one night
And wrapped himself around a telephone pole.

Dirty Drowning Man Lyrics By Primus

I'm a dog, a dirty flying dog.
I drink Campari with marinated wild hog.
I've no sense, I like electric fence.
I put barbed wire in my pants and do a celtic dance.

But when I can, I'm a giving man.
I'll flip you out the fire and back up into the frying pan.

And if you're down looking like you're gonna drown.
Of all your friends I'm the one who's most apt to stick around.

I'm a drowning man.
Who will save this drowning man.
Who will save this drowning man.
Who will save this dirty drowning man.

You're so fine, so bright and shiney fine.
And I'm so proud to say that you in fact are a friend of mine.
And doubly pleased with crooked wobbly knees.
I dive on in and backstroke right across these seas of cheese.

But on the times when I'm not such a giving man.
Please flip me out of the fire and backup into the frying pan.

And if you're down looking like you're gonna drown.
Of all your friends I'm the one who's most apt to stick around.

I'm a drowning man.
Who will save this drowning man.
Who will save this drowning man.
Who will save this dirty drowning man.

Is It Luck Lyrics By Primus

My socks and shoes always match
Is it Luck?
There's a foot at the end of each of my legs
Is it Luck?I can play my bass for you
Is it Luck?Some gals like to kiss my face
Is it Luck? Is it Luck?
There was food inside your mouth today
Is it Luck?Your barber cuts your hair just so
Is it Luck?When the taste of sex is on your lips
Is it Luck? Is it Luck?

Cyanide works oh so fast
Is it Luck?Polyester makes you sweat
Is it Luck?If a graham cracker gets you off
Is it Luck
Love. Love?
Is it Luck? Is it Luck?

Kalamazoo Lyrics By Primus

A B C D E F G H I gotta gal wears her toenails long
Drives a red Barracude, singin' meat packer songs
And she ain't from Kalamazoo

A B C D E F G H I gotta 'friend lived in a Mercedes-Benz
Then a '55 Chrysler where the trunk never ends
And the plates say Kalamazoo

He had a steady job and watched what he spent
He'd say I don't believe in payin' no goddamn rent
I'll squirrel away every goddamn cent
And buy my own damn house in Kalamazoo

She turned to the world with a bastard child
Said, "I just can't handle him he's too damn wild'
But the years and the liquor have made him mild
And he lays around Kalamazoo

Glass Sandwich Lyrics By Primus

He stood in line with the rest
And waited got his chance
To take his place behind the glass
And watch the ladies dance

It's the nature of things

He stepped into the darkened space
The air was thick and warm
He drops the coins in one by one
The scene unfolds before him

He stands looking eye to thigh
As she looks down from above
Only to be recognized
As his former love

It's the nature of things

Fish On Lyrics By Primus

Felt a pang late one afternoon
I was fishin' off Muir beach
With Larry LeLonde
Grabbed a tuna salad sandwich
And I started to chew
Pretty soon Ler's yellin
Fish on. Fish on

I was just a little pup
And it was derby day
Was dad and me and Darrell
Out in San Pablo bay
Taco flavored Doritos
And my orange life vest
Dad caught a hundred pound sturgeon
On twenty-pound test
Now he fought that fish for an hour
And a half
Darrell'd say "Jump ya sons a bitch!"
And he grabbed for the gaff
When we got him in the boat
He measured six feet long
I was so danged impressed I had
To write a song called
Fish on

T'was a bright and sunny day
It was me and Todd Huth
Fishin' shark & Stingray
Out of Bohuas Lagoon
Well hey, hey, hey I'll be screwed,
Blued and tatooed
Looks like I got me one of them fish on
Fish on.

Sgt. Baker Lyrics By Primus

Sgt. Baker is my name
I'm gonna teach you how to play the game
of warfare
Suddenly it appears to me
You got a bit much dignity
For your own good, boy
Yes sir, yes sir.

I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all a bit like me
I said right, left

Sgt. Baker here again
And if you calls me "puddin Tame"
I'll stomp you down, boy
Steers and Queers
Steers and Queers where you come
From there's just steers and queers
And you ain't got no horns, boy
Yes sir, yes sir

I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all a bit like me
I said right, left

Sathington Willoughby Lyrics By Primus

We are gathered here
Today in these majestic
halls of old to honor
a man they call
Sathington Willoughby.
There's a joke or two,
A pun or three
I feel that must be
told then I go on to
speak of Sathington Willoughby.
Sathington Willoughby
the legislator that
penned us up a bill
that banned the use
of certain things like this and that.

Over The Electric Grapevine Lyrics By Primus

They headed southward from San Francisco,
To be with Chuckles and the others.
With electric in the air and peroxide in their hair,
They looked like golden brothers.
They drove a Datsun, an automatic,
The radio blaring static,
He made a face into the light and burst out laughing at the sight.
The hysteria ensuing would dominate the night.
From all the candy, the seats were sticky,
As they were drawn into the grapevine.
Then "Introduce Yourself" came on as they barreled through the gog.
The demon puffing madly on a mentholated log.
They were tired, they were sleepy,
So they parked behind the Roxy.
Adam left to use the phone, so he sat there all alone,
When Adam's voice come beaming through on the radio,
He started laughing...